I have a boyfriend. He's rad. My friends even think so. WOW! But I do get a lot of questions as to how I met such fine fella in probably one of the most difficult cities to have a solid relatioship. Well I will tell you: I got him off the internet.After a year hiatus off of dating and what-not, I took matters into my own hands and joined a few of those dating sites. From the advice of a good friend "It beats meeting dudes in bars", I just said f*ck it. I actually had a really good experience even though I wasn't necessarily comfortable with the idea, a romantic at heart. So I thought I would share my online profile and how I scored! ENJOY!
PS Once he lets me, I will share some of his artwork here and maybe hopefully his architecture and design.
"Occupation:
DesignerPainterLoser
Quirks:
The word or phrase that best describes my personality:
funnypsychosweetbitch does that work?
The best or worst lie I've ever told:
I am from the South, therefore, if you don't like someone you be nice as shit to their face and talk about them when they're gone...
Fill in the blank: _____ is sexy; _____ is sexier.
NO. NOOOOOOO!
My most humbling moment:
Signing up for this shit.
The last thing that made me laugh out loud:
Signing up for this shit.
Ideals:
If I could be anywhere right now:
By the ocean.
If I was given a million dollars:
I would buy a piece of art and invest the rest.
Philosophies:
Five items I can't live without:
camera, tracing paper, paint, bike, friends
25 years from now, I see myself:
retired.
The role religion plays in my life:
none. none at all.
My personal motto or creed:
I beg your pardon! I never promised you a rose garden!
Style:
My personal style:
jeans.
The celebrity I resemble the most:
Gary Busey.
Body art:
Currently designing it, I won't tell you where I am putting it!!!
Favorite item of clothing:
jeans.
Space:
In my bedroom one will find...
paint, cameras, macbook, books, me, no dust.
In my refrigerator one will find...
water.
Pets:
I really want a dog, hmmmm, looking around right now, I am a busy girl, so I am still considering the idea.
Work & Living Environment:
The pace of my life is best described as:
laid back.
What I like - or dislike - about what I do for a living:
I draw unicorns for a living and I just got promoted, so I am pretty happy about that at the moment.
The type of family I come from:
A divided one.
The amount of fame and fortune I've achieved in my life is...
I am quite famous in certain circles...
Interests:
My favorite way to spend a weekend
Ridin' my bike.
If I could take a class on any subject, it would be...
awesome if I could just sit still for that long!
The sports I play, and the sports I watch
I am too competitive, I am not allowed to compete, people get hurt.
My most unusual or impressive skill
I can draw the mirror image of things just by looking at them. I have number dyslexia!
Entertainment:
The last great book I read:
Women, Charles Bukowski Sweet Land Stories, E. L. Doctorow The Portable Dorothy Parker
In my stereo right now, you'll find...
She & Him, Cheeseburger, Yelle and Yacht Rock (reference: Toto, Christopher Cross, Steely Dan, Hall and Oats. Oooo and i got outfits to match this genre!) And currently, I cannot get enough of Bread.
5 albums I can't live without:
Claude Debussy, Sigur Ros, Paul Simon, The Cure, Old 97s
The best movie I saw this year:
The Donner Party
Movies which spend the most time in my DVD player:
Anything by Simon Pegg i.e. Hot Fuzz, Shaun of the Dead, Spaced.
Shows I Tivo (or would)?
NO.
Favorite on-screen sex scene:
you mean besides all the porn I have jamming up my harddrive?
Dating:
Activities I'd enjoy on a date:
Wine.
A date should be planned:
to include wine.
On a first date, I expect:
Wine.
Why You Should Get to Know Me:
I have a bike, I like to ride it and I am an artist/designer so I love making art, seeing art, making fun of art, vandalizing...
The. End.
Also:
I love cooking.
I love painting (currently working on my portfolio, as I would like to pursue an MFA in painting.).
I have a certificate to confirm my 3 years of lady lessons (I have manners and know which forks to use).
I love wine.
I love music.
I love to travel (headed to South Africa in the fall!).
I am from Texas.
I am better than you.
More About What I Am Looking For:
I'm gonna be straight ya'll, if you don't ride bikes, you don't have a job and you can't open the door for me when we hang out, NEXT! No seriously. I work really hard and I play really hard and I would like to meet a dood who can keep the pace and who is clever, funny and confident and has a nice group of friends too. Friends are really important, I got lots of them and they are a big part of my life, so you should definitely be social and outgoing! Also, it would be nice too, if your psychotic ex has already been put away somewhere, I have had enough of the death threats already. And no, I don't want to be in a threesome because "it will be fun" and no, I don't want to snort rails off your ass "you sure?" and no, I don't think collecting clown figurines puts you in touch with your "feminine side". Shit's creepy.
I am also big fan of fashion, so if you are wearing (look down) no and I mean, yea, I know you can change them, but NO PLEATED PANTS. Coaching shorts, yes! I put effort into mah looks, and so should you! When I look mah best, I feel mah best!
PS Using a shoelace from an old pair of chucks and tying it around your head is not sharp-looking nor does it make you outrageous and bohemian in appearance. It's just a dirty string around your head.
Just sayin'
And don't hotlist me bitches! It makes me think you're hesitant! The winking creeps my shit out too!
But, at the end of the day, I just want someone to ride bikes with."
DesignerPainterLoser
Quirks:
The word or phrase that best describes my personality:
funnypsychosweetbitch does that work?
The best or worst lie I've ever told:
I am from the South, therefore, if you don't like someone you be nice as shit to their face and talk about them when they're gone...
Fill in the blank: _____ is sexy; _____ is sexier.
NO. NOOOOOOO!
My most humbling moment:
Signing up for this shit.
The last thing that made me laugh out loud:
Signing up for this shit.
Ideals:
If I could be anywhere right now:
By the ocean.
If I was given a million dollars:
I would buy a piece of art and invest the rest.
Philosophies:
Five items I can't live without:
camera, tracing paper, paint, bike, friends
25 years from now, I see myself:
retired.
The role religion plays in my life:
none. none at all.
My personal motto or creed:
I beg your pardon! I never promised you a rose garden!
Style:
My personal style:
jeans.
The celebrity I resemble the most:
Gary Busey.
Body art:
Currently designing it, I won't tell you where I am putting it!!!
Favorite item of clothing:
jeans.
Space:
In my bedroom one will find...
paint, cameras, macbook, books, me, no dust.
In my refrigerator one will find...
water.
Pets:
I really want a dog, hmmmm, looking around right now, I am a busy girl, so I am still considering the idea.
Work & Living Environment:
The pace of my life is best described as:
laid back.
What I like - or dislike - about what I do for a living:
I draw unicorns for a living and I just got promoted, so I am pretty happy about that at the moment.
The type of family I come from:
A divided one.
The amount of fame and fortune I've achieved in my life is...
I am quite famous in certain circles...
Interests:
My favorite way to spend a weekend
Ridin' my bike.
If I could take a class on any subject, it would be...
awesome if I could just sit still for that long!
The sports I play, and the sports I watch
I am too competitive, I am not allowed to compete, people get hurt.
My most unusual or impressive skill
I can draw the mirror image of things just by looking at them. I have number dyslexia!
Entertainment:
The last great book I read:
Women, Charles Bukowski Sweet Land Stories, E. L. Doctorow The Portable Dorothy Parker
In my stereo right now, you'll find...
She & Him, Cheeseburger, Yelle and Yacht Rock (reference: Toto, Christopher Cross, Steely Dan, Hall and Oats. Oooo and i got outfits to match this genre!) And currently, I cannot get enough of Bread.
5 albums I can't live without:
Claude Debussy, Sigur Ros, Paul Simon, The Cure, Old 97s
The best movie I saw this year:
The Donner Party
Movies which spend the most time in my DVD player:
Anything by Simon Pegg i.e. Hot Fuzz, Shaun of the Dead, Spaced.
Shows I Tivo (or would)?
NO.
Favorite on-screen sex scene:
you mean besides all the porn I have jamming up my harddrive?
Dating:
Activities I'd enjoy on a date:
Wine.
A date should be planned:
to include wine.
On a first date, I expect:
Wine.
Why You Should Get to Know Me:
I have a bike, I like to ride it and I am an artist/designer so I love making art, seeing art, making fun of art, vandalizing...
The. End.
Also:
I love cooking.
I love painting (currently working on my portfolio, as I would like to pursue an MFA in painting.).
I have a certificate to confirm my 3 years of lady lessons (I have manners and know which forks to use).
I love wine.
I love music.
I love to travel (headed to South Africa in the fall!).
I am from Texas.
I am better than you.
More About What I Am Looking For:
I'm gonna be straight ya'll, if you don't ride bikes, you don't have a job and you can't open the door for me when we hang out, NEXT! No seriously. I work really hard and I play really hard and I would like to meet a dood who can keep the pace and who is clever, funny and confident and has a nice group of friends too. Friends are really important, I got lots of them and they are a big part of my life, so you should definitely be social and outgoing! Also, it would be nice too, if your psychotic ex has already been put away somewhere, I have had enough of the death threats already. And no, I don't want to be in a threesome because "it will be fun" and no, I don't want to snort rails off your ass "you sure?" and no, I don't think collecting clown figurines puts you in touch with your "feminine side". Shit's creepy.
I am also big fan of fashion, so if you are wearing (look down) no and I mean, yea, I know you can change them, but NO PLEATED PANTS. Coaching shorts, yes! I put effort into mah looks, and so should you! When I look mah best, I feel mah best!
PS Using a shoelace from an old pair of chucks and tying it around your head is not sharp-looking nor does it make you outrageous and bohemian in appearance. It's just a dirty string around your head.
Just sayin'
And don't hotlist me bitches! It makes me think you're hesitant! The winking creeps my shit out too!
But, at the end of the day, I just want someone to ride bikes with."
4 comments:
wow. i'd go out wit you but it looks like you found exactly the right dood dood! your sh*t worked! gary busey.
and you know what? i can draw mirror images of things by looking at them too. i do it automatically and to be honest, don;t realize i'm doing it. weird. will you go out with me?
you're going to get a tattoo?! DETAILS PLZ! i already want at least two more...
Did you just post your whole online profile? Egads! I'm going to copy and paste and see if it works for me too!
this is so rad - i thought i was in love with you, but now i am sure.
Post a Comment